that old table I used for staining came in handy for packing!
Mostly packed that is, but am I really ready to go?
I do have butterflies this morning and they are sort of the old kind of butterflies that I’ve always gotten the day before holidays but there’s a few “moths” flying around in their too…..anxiety, nervousness and maybe one for guilt too. I don’t know why I should feel guilty about going on a vacation….maybe it’s not really guilt, I’m not sure exactly what it is I feel.
Tomorrow it will have been six months…..I still can’t believe it sometimes. I still think about him every day….I don’t ever want that to stop….I just need to get “used” to it…..
Maybe it’s too big of a vacation to go on…..maybe a week at an all-inclusive in Mexico would have been a better way to go for the first time…..but who would I have gone with….some of our “couple” friends? That might have been even more difficult.
Or maybe this big vacation is the way to go…..with two girlfriends….just a “girl” vacation. It’s kind of like mega vacation immersion……diving in head first…..that might not be a bad thing. At least I should be “used” to being on my own by the time this one is over!
What am I going to think when I see Petra? What am I going to think when I see Luxor and Dubai? Will I feel sad that Ken’s not with me to share that experience? I don’t want to feel that….I don’t LIKE feeling like that. All this kind of worries me…..one of those “moths” flying around with the butterflies. Maybe I’ll have seen enough before and will have gotten over this before I get to “those places”, those places that were on OUR bucket list….just maybe.
I have a busy day today, which is a good thing too…..it gives me less time to sit around and think about all this….I’m tired of thinking!
I’m off to the Pumpkin Patch/Fun Fair at the local garden centre with the kids this afternoon then out to dinner after. BIL is back from vacation and is coming over this morning to survey my work on the stairs…..they’re ¾ done and he said he’d get them finished for me…..so that will be a treat to come home too.
I’ve also made the biggest mess around here packing…..stuff seems to be all over the place….the kitchen counter, the bathroom counter, the spare room. Everything is plugged in somewhere and charging, shampoo, cream, brush, curling iron laying around ready to go after I use it today. I need to get this all cleaned up and things that I’m not taking back where they belong….I’m sure I’ll be racing around here at midnight tonight doing something.
I do plan to blog while I’m gone….all subject, of course, to internet connections. We’re supposed to have it all the hotels and on the ship but there’s a few days that we have to be up and about and on our way at the crack of dawn (hate that about “tours!!) so I’ll have to see how this is all going to work. And also the time difference….10 – 12 hours, so who knows when a post will appear…..this is after all MY journey after…..I have to keep track of how all this evolves. How and when I finally get “used” to my new normal!
This is going to be a great vacation…..a vacation of a lifetime….my ugly purple SMILE EVERYDAY journal is packed and ready for it’s first entry on the plane tomorrow. I WILL smile every day and I AM GOING TO ENJOY IT!
Wish me luck……..