A Dilemma!

What should I do?

I’m becoming a bit obsessed with my kids house.  I actually lost sleep over it last night.

I’ve been going over on Mondays for a few hours to try to help conquer some of the mess…..but truthfully, I know it’s beyond anything that I can do.

Last week my friend B, who is now a retired social worker, was telling me about some of the situations that she had to deal with.  It scared me!

Some homes are so bad that it become necessary to remove the children, for health and safety reasons, from the home.  That gives me nightmares!  Regardless of how messy/dirty or whatever that house is, those kids are loved and looked after and need their parents.  If a 911 call is placed and parameds determine that there are issues that need to be addressed, they are OBLIGATED to contact social services.

What if my kids needed to call 911 and that happened?  I’d have a heart attack……  But I fear that is just about where there is house.  I want to help but must tread carefully.  They know the state of their house, they know it’s probably quite dangerous…..they know!

My son hates it.  He does try but just can’t keep up.  My DIL is a wonderful girl.  She’s a great Mom, is a registered Doula https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doula , volunteers for the school (ran the best ever and most profitable craft fairs they’ve had the last two years), is involved in girl guides etc. etc.  BUT……I truly think she is depressed, clinically depressed.  I know she was getting some help a while ago, I’m not sure she still is.  She’s lost a ton of weight and looks wonderful so you would think she’d feel great about herself….I’m not sure she does.

When I go over I only spend a few hours because I know it’s hard for her…..after a couple hours, she’s tired or not feeling well or something……I think these are “excuses” (not in a bad way…..) because she’s overwhelmed by the whole thing she really does start to feel unwell.  I can sense her getting a little stressed at that point and know I need to pack up and go because I don’t want a fight or argument.  How do I breach the subject of getting more help to her?  Such a fine line to walk on.

I mentioned some of the things that B told me to my son.  It just stresses him out more and I don’t want him going home and getting mad at her…..not good for either of them.  I have to tread so carefully and I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing BUT I don’t want them to live like that……what do I do???

I’m going to call her shortly and I’m afraid she’ll have some excuse for me not to come over…..then what do I say?

L.

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