Which is pretty good, I think.
I am excited, but I’m not! Does that make any sense? I used to get so excited about vacations…..almost to a point sometimes I could make myself sick! I’m just not sure what has happened.
Last year for my trip to Middle East I put it down to apprehension….going without Ken, going to a part of the world which was rather unstable. Lots of things could have affected how I felt about that trip. But then there was Hawaii in the spring…..kind of the same thing which I put down to the reason we were all going. Even going on my culinary trip….I was bouncing off the walls over the one I went on a few years ago!
On each of those trips, I had a great time……once I got wherever it was I was going, so that is good and I know this trip will be like that too. But I miss all that anticipation type excitement that I used to have….
Vacations aren’t the only thing……I find that my emotions are sort of “muted” now. I don’t tend to get overly excited about anything these days…..certainly not like I used to. And I don’t tend to get mad or angry like I used too either…..which is a good thing because Ken was always there to get me settled down.
Maybe grief does that to you. Once you’ve experience it, nothing can even compare to the feelings and emotions that go with it….it’s like it’s drained me.
That sounds awful doesn’t it? But it’s not a bad thing in a way. I think it’s your mind and body building up a suit of armour to shield you. Maybe as time goes by that will break down a bit. I do miss getting really excited like I used to but maybe it’s one of my new normal……I don’t know.
It’s not a very nice day here…..wind, rain and cool. That certainly doesn’t help how I feel. But, I have a lot of things still to do, so I’ll keep myself nice and busy!
I’m not sure when I’ll be able to blog. They say all hotels have wifi and even on the boat BUT….it can be intermittent. I’m picking up Donna bright (probably still dark!!) and early tomorrow so we can get to the airport to make our seat selections…..fingers are crossed that I can get a window….or at least an aisle. I know as the day goes on, and certainly by the morning I WILL BE EXCITED and I can’t wait!