Am I Still On Vacation?

That’s exactly what is seems like!

Lounging around, checking FB, emails and sitting and playing solitaire…..hmmmmm.

It’s Monday and really and truly my first day of retirement at home.   I’m not sure if I should just let myself have a “do nothing” day or whether I should get cracking on some of those lists.  A do nothing day sounds good but I could very easily get into the habit of having a lot of those!

I can’t say I’m terribly motivated to do anything too exciting.  I do have to go out at some point though and get some groceries and light bulbs…..what’s with that!  Three have burnt out in the last 2 days!

Where do I even begin with my “to do” list?  This would be so much simpler if Ken was here to help decide where to start.  But I have to do this on my own now so I’ll have to figure that out myself.   My bigger projects are going to be the toughest.  What can I do myself or who to call to get them done.   I’ve gotten a couple phone numbers from friends and will start with those for the bigger jobs…..maybe tomorrow!

these will brighten my day through the summer!

these will brighten my day through the summer!

I had such a good day yesterday.  The grandkids were so much fun and the big kids put together a great dinner…..and cleaned up!    I love my little potted plants.

I’m not sure I’ll post every day, maybe every second day……I don’t think I have that much excitement in my life.  I can only wonder now how different retirement would have been if Ken were here…..maybe it wouldn’t have been too different at all….I don’t know.  I’m trying not to spend a lot of time thinking about that because it doesn’t matter, does it…..it is what it is…..it’s all up to ME.

It’s a little scary in a way…… I do know I still miss him so much.

L.

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2 thoughts on “Am I Still On Vacation?

  1. I came home from PT this afternoon, and took a two hr nap. As I walk around the house….I’m remembering walking around the same way when he was still here. Even during the time he was in bed mostly, or able to transfer to a chair. I would “try” to imagine what it would feel like, to be without him….but it just didn’t work! In no way could I get a preview of what it was going to FEEL like! It was 43 years…and I couldn’t comprehend not having his strong “presence”! So now….I just wonder around. Motivation is hard to come by. I drag myself to the PC and phone to make myself take care of business!! Will I ever feel “comfortable” again???

    • Sarah, you are so right, no matter how much you think you might be prepared for losing a spouse, there really is nothing that can prepare you for it. Ken was in hospital for 2 months so I was used to coming home to an empty house but even that didn’t make it any easier. Motivation will come back. It hasn’t been that long for you and it will take some time for you to find that “new normal” or at least the first new normal. I’ve been through a few and am still looking for that comfortable one. For me, diving into everything headfirst is what got me through all this. Take your time. I did find getting out with family and friends as much as possible really helped…..it showed me that there is “life after”. Maybe not quite the one I’d planned on, but it helped me to laugh and enjoy myself, which is OK as I know that’s what Ken would have wanted. And yes, you will start to feel comfortable again….it all just takes time. How long is the big question…..but we have to figure that out ourselves.

      Take care.
      Linda.

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