But I did have a nice glass of wine when I got home…..at 7:30!
Sometimes I think I’m really out of my mind. I’m finished work in about 3 weeks…..done, retired! None of this “project” will be my problem after that. So why do I care? I’m actually worried about who will carry on with my part after. There are two other gals on it with me but they’ve already got their hands full without taking on the stuff that I’m doing…..or the next thing I’ll start working on, probably next week….which there is not a hope in hell I’ll have finished before the 15th of April!
I don’t want to leave it unfinished but what can I do about it? This is just how I am. Regardless of what state everything is in when I leave, I pretty sure once I’m out of the office for a week or two, all this will just be a distance memory of work life. But until then I have this little bit of panic, stress, anxiety, or whatever you want to call it about leaving things, especially things with my name on them, unfinished.
Like other things, I don’t like feeling like this but I’m not sure how to deal with it. I can’t seem to talk myself out of it……I’ve tried all the usual…..”it’s work, not your life”, you’re doing what you can do”, “I didn’t MAKE these problems”, “there’s light at the end of the tunnel” etc. etc. etc. I was always pretty good at separating work life from home life…..I never used to “bring it home” with me. So why am I doing it now?
I guess the good thing about this is that it’s a diversion from those “other thoughts” except for the other night. I think I was just over tired that night…so I need to make sure I’m getting enough sleep…..I do have control over that. I did get to bed earlier last night and feel a lot better this morning.
Maybe all this anxiety is just about change. Not knowing what retired life will be like. Retiring on my own. Will I do all the things I’ve planned? Does it matter if I do? Will I end up doing nothing and being a couch potato? Who would have thought that retiring could be stressful?
I definitely think waiting a year to do it was the right thing to do. Or maybe not! Maybe if I’d just done it in the midst of all the other chaos in my life last year it would have just blended in with everything else. But you don’t make another life changing decision like that on top of one that has just happened……certainly not while you’re not thinking straight……..yes, waiting until I had my new normal in some type of order was definitely the right thing to do……yes, definitely, for sure…….
I spent another hour on my pictures last night…..so I’m about a third of the way through them now. Already so much that I’d forgotten about on that trip!