Complicated Grief

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/health/29grief.html?pagewanted=1&_r=0

Very interesting article.  It’s a little old but if you google Complicated Grief  https://www.google.ca/?gws_rd=ssl#q=Complicated+Grief     you can find a lot of information and case studies.

Just how long is too long to grieve?  We always say that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve…..we know that is a fact!  Everyone is different and everyone deals with it the best way they can.  Most of us finally get to a “new normal” stage of acceptance or getting used to our loss.  We are able to eventually carry on with day to day life and even begin to enjoy life again.  We appreciate the relationship we had for as long as we had it.  We are able to reflect back on the good memories and the old ones of sickness, caregiving, emptiness, loss, anger etc. all fade to the back of our minds.

We will always miss our spouse, always wish it had never happened, wish they were here beside us, wish we could go back in time, wish everything was different…..but reality is what it is.

At what point though does our grief become a disorder?  Some of the articles that I read through have case studies of people who are so debilitated by grief years after, they are barely able to function day to day.

I tried to think if I knew anyone like this.  I don’t, at least I don’t think I do.  But if I did, would I recognize their grief as complicated grief?  When does grieving have a “wrong way”.  How do you help this person seek the help they need?

I think I’m OK but this does give you pause for thought……..

13155_961056593906526_4050452774200189106_n

This has been my thought through all this.  I think I’m a realistic person and know that we can’t go back to what was….but is this all really avoidance?  Have I not really grieved and everything is just going to blow up one day?  It’s a little scary to think that could happen.  I am doing what works for me.  Maybe keeping busy isn’t right?   I think I am living in the present.  Sometimes I don’t like it very much and of course wish things hadn’t been what they were,  but I can wish till the “cows come home” and nothing is going to change what happened.

Today I’m going to be busy….because I want to be!  It’s another beautiful day and there is so much I want to do on days like this.   I’m a summer person….I love sunshine and warm weather.  I get up earlier on days like this because they make me want to get up.

Does it matter if your loved one dies in winter?  When it’s cold, dark, rainy and just plain old dreary?  I think it probably does.  That kind of sets the scene, at least for me it would.  Am I “lucky” that my grief started when the weather started to be nice?  If I’d had to go through prolonged days of cloud, rain, cold and darkness I think I could have really gotten myself into a mess, or more of a mess.

Anyway, I just found this as good food for thought.  Maybe down the road if I meet someone who is still grieving a year, or two or ten, later I will recognize some of the symptoms and be able to help them.

It would be horrible to feel like I did those first few months for years!  I just can’t even imagine.

I’m off to do my busy stuff…..the sun makes the dust more noticeable and also lets me see just how much my windows need a good washing.  There’s lots I can do outside too and once it warms up (maybe shorts and t-shirt weather today) I’ll head out there and find something to do.  When it’s nice like this I want to get out and get my deck ready for summer, but that would be jumping the gun a little…..it is only March!   On days like this though, nothing can stop me!

L.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s