Ten Months Ago….

Sometimes it seems like forever ago now…..like it was another life.  And I guess it was!

I am getting used to all this, very slowly though.  Some days are harder than others.  There are some days, or parts of days….usually in the evenings, that I just feel lost.

No matter how much I have to do sometimes, I have a feeling that I need to be doing something…..just what I don’t know.  It’s like being unsettled, not anxious unsettled, but it’s like I’m waiting for something to happen…..I can’t really explain it.  It goes away just as fast as it comes on, which is a good thing.

I still miss him so much and wish so often that he was here for me to tell him something, hug him, kiss him…….I don’t know when and if that feeling ever goes away.  It supposedly does.

When I read that his friend from work died, I wanted to tell him…..my first thought was “I’ve got to tell Ken”.  Or when I was on vacation, looking at shirts for him….I actually caught myself thinking of buying one and then thought….”what am I doing”!

After 40 years of being with someone, things like this don’t just stop overnight do they.  I guess I’ll eventually get to a point where I don’t think like this but it’s just so automatic, it just happens.  You catch yourself and have that moment of sadness….

I’m looking forward to this weekend!  Lots of things I COULD be doing, just how much I’ll actually do, we’ll see!

Off to friends for dinner tomorrow, one of the gals I’m going to China with.  Other friends will be there with the pictures from their China trip last year….I can’t wait to hear all about it.  I love looking at other peoples pictures….it inspires me to travel more, to go to the same places.  There are always some good stories to tell that go along with the pictures too…..it’ll be a lot of fun.

It’s supposed to be sunny and warm(ish) all weekend, so that always helps how I feel.  And the sun shining through the windows makes me notice all the dust….and dirty windows!  But on nice days I feel like getting everything cleaned up….bright and shiny, just like the day.

I could also go into work for a few hours to work on the project…..but I’ll just play that one by ear.  I want to really enjoy the sunny days while we have them!

L.

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