Rain, Rain, Rain

….and more rain.  We’re supposed to have a whole week of it!

This makes things really difficult for me.  It makes me feel terrible.  It’s very easy to feel sad.  When it’s dull, grey and rainy, I really have to work hard to get myself out of it those “funks” that come along.

It’s not a good week for this.  It’ll be a year ago that Ken went into the hospital.  He didn’t want to go that night but what else could we have done?  It was raining…..pouring rain that night too.

Maybe that’s bothering me a bit.  I try not to think about it, but it’s hard not too.  I sometimes think we shouldn’t have gone….but he could barely get up let alone walk….even with the walker.  We just managed to get in the car.  Did we jump the gun…..would he have felt better the next day?  I could have stayed home to make sure.   But maybe it was just something simple like dehydration and his electrolytes being out of whack….something “fixable” and he’d be back home feeling better in a few hours…..how do you know?

Along with these thoughts making me sad, there is also guilt that creeps in…..maybe that’s the worst part of all.  But what else could I have done?  Really…..what else?

I know I have to keep myself busy to NOT get into one of those moods.  I don’t like them.  It’s like you are second guessing everything that was done.  But it’s done now…..over.  Nothing will change it and whatever we, or I, did, we thought was for the best.  I have to keep telling myself that.

It’s been almost 10 months now.  Thoughts like these don’t come into my head as often as they did a few months ago, which is a very good thing.

Yesterday was a good day, rain and all.  I was busy…..I got a lot done.  I’m back to work today and I know, after having 3 days off, that I’ll be really busy there too.  I hope this “mood” blows over by the end of the day…..I just don’t like feeling like this!

Rain, rain go away………

L.

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