The “Not Good” and “Emotional”

These kind of go hand in hand……

Not good was when I couldn’t find things, things didn’t work or when I’d get overly excited, negatively……Ken was the calming factor in my life. He’d very rarely get frazzled about anything and would just have to do that calm down girl hand thing …..he didn’t have to say a thing…I would just take a deep breath and start all over or better still, he’d just take over!

I had a few of those moments….camera not working, not being able to unlock a hotel room door, not finding my glasses (on my head!!), the air conditioning not working properly….just those little things that are really frustrating especially when you’re tired. I had to take control of myself… I guess in a way this wasn’t necessarily a “not good” thing…..I learned to take that step back, calm down and try again…..I had too!

There were many emotional things….seeing Petra and Dubai without him. What would he have said when we first got a glimpse of the Treasury through the siq? I’m glad Connie was there for me…she understood and getting a hug when I needed it was a good thing. And Dubai… was like Disneyland for adults…the buildings, the cars….everything bigger than life! He would have loved it. I went up the Burj Kahlifa….124 floors!! But I wouldn’t go up the Space Needle in Seattle with him….a bit of guilt perhaps…..but I did go up the Eiffel Tower, once….he did it twice!

It's tall but when the other buildings are almost 100 stories you really can't appreciate just how high up you are....

It’s tall but when the other buildings are almost 100 stories you really can’t appreciate just how high up you are….

Seeing other couples doing couple things….sitting together, holding hands, getting each other coffee, having pictures taken together, bickering!! The hardest was the night there was a deck party on the ship….it was a “golden oldies” night…lots of ABBA songs, one of his fav bands. Just the music in general brought back a lot of memories and with them, not just a few tears.

Formal night on the ship……I did dress up but struggled with the stupid buttons on my dress….he would have done those up for me! He always looked sooooo good in his tux…..I missed that so much, especially seeing all the other men in theirs. The formal night picture with the captain… was just me!! It should have been us! Those romantic moments…on cruises we always took a walk or two on the promenade deck looking at the wake of the ship or the moon…I did the walk, but by myself….which was really a silly thing to do!! I knew I’d cry! Our tour group had dinner together that night, which was a lot of fun, but it just didn’t seem right to be all dressed up BY MYSELF! Doing something like this again will be a lot of work mentally……

all dolled myself!  Forgot my little black bag...argh.

all dolled up….by myself! Forgot my little black bag…argh.

The WORST not good thing, was that I think I was getting “hit on” by one of the men (married!!) in our tour group. I’m a bit slow in this department as I have no experience whatsoever, so when I realized what was going on I became very uncomfortable but tried to “not notice”. Very, very awkward. This should probably go into the “strange” category!

I did get over the “not good and emotional” stuff as quickly as I could…..I had to or it could easily have consumed me…..I must get used to all this …..this is how things are going to be now!



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