Four Months Ago….

I can’t believe it’s been four months….some days I still can’t believe it even happened!

I still miss him so much. I miss all the things we had together, did together and the worst…….all the things that we’ll now never do together.

Sometimes it’s like it happened yesterday……emotions can go crazy. Certain things, songs are just terrible, set my thoughts off and running and the heartache and emptiness that I feel then is just bad as it was on that day 4 months ago. The tears are still on the verge of overflowing a lot of the time.

I hate the 20th of every month! I need to rethink how I think about that day…..turn my thoughts around…….instead of a reminder of losing him I need to make it a celebration of his life, our life….the good life that we had….appreciate it for what it was, not what it can’t be going forward.

It’s useless to dwell on what you can’t change…..kind of what we learned to do with CT scans and MRI’s. Thinking, or back then worrying, about them wasn’t going to change the results, we learned to change how we thought. I need to practice this now on the 20th of each month……it is what it is…..I can’t change it… I need to change how I think about it.

I need to focus on the positives…..and just what are they? We did a lot of things…..good things. We went a lot of places…..we were lucky to have done what we did…..we have great kids and grandkids…..some people never get the chance. But how do you get your head around thinking positive or celebrating the life he did have…..the life WE had?

I need to work on this!



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