You know how it is….you get so caught up in yourself that you really almost forget that there are others that are impacted YOUR loss….
I guess that’s not really quite true….of course I worried about my kids. It’s only natural that a mother would. They have been with me through all this…..both of them have been rocks for me. They were worried about me! I’m tough, realistic and a survivor….and really very selfish!
I didn’t see the kids over this last weekend…we were all busy doing our own things. Talked to my daughter on Sunday and she was worried about her sick little cat…..he’d already cost her a lot of money but he was getting better, so that was good….but she sounded very depressed. We didn’t talk about it being Father’s Day. She’s been really strong through all this…she’s been there for me!
Monday night she phoned and was a basket case…..everything in her life just wasn’t going right…the cat, her phone, work….you name it. She ended up bringing her cat over and staying the night. When she got here, she was beside herself, inconsolable…….why did this happen to Dad…why, why, why. Father’s Day had really upset her too and it seemed that every little thing that didn’t go right was one more thing to set her over the edge.
I was glad she came over…she shouldn’t have been alone. We cried and we laughed and we both felt better after.
It’s been almost two months now and I think I’m not the only one that this is all sinking in for…..but because the kids have helped me so much and handled everything so good….I never really thought too much about what was going on in their heads. I know what it’s like to lose a parent…..I’ve lost both.
Our son is strong too……he’s busy with his 3 little kids. They keep him occupied. I know he misses his Dad but he’s busy enough…..it’s probably at night after they’ve gone to bed that he thinks about the things they did or didn’t do…..the didn’t do’s are the hardest to think about…..I know about that!
Over the last couple of months, we’ve talked a lot and cried a lot and we’ve had some good laughs too. I think that’s normal and very healthy for all of us. But I really hadn’t thought too much about THEIR emotions…..I had mine to deal with…..and I had decided it was all about ME now….
Was I being selfish or is this just natural? I know if they were little I definitely would have been much more attentive to their needs….but because they’re adults I thought they could handle all this……and they have but they have their moments too and I need to think about that…..I must remember this!