I really appreciated so many people that I work with coming up to me and saying how sorry they were about Ken. Most were great, simply saying “I was so sorry to hear…”, others said that too, but then proceeded to tell you about every person in their family….or someone elses…that died.
When they did start on those stories, I usually just said, “thank you, but I have to get back to work, or whatever…
So now, I’ve been back to work almost a month and there is still the odd person that has just heard so they’ll usually say “I was sorry to hear” . I’m not sure that hearing that has gotten any easier…..I appreciate that they are acknowledging it and I truly appreciate those that know to simply say that…..and no more!! That is enough!
I know lots of people don’t know what to say…..I never really did before either. But I know I didn’t go on about my Mom or Dad or my friend’s sister or the neighbours brother or whoever I’ve known in my life that’s died.
The worst….and I know they don’t mean anything really…they are just words….”I know how you feel, when I lost my Dad blah blah blah…” They really don’t know how I feel….I lost my Dad too, I know it’s not the same….definitely NOT the same!
At what point is it too late to say “I was sorry to hear” to someone…when is it just best left alone??
The hardest thing I think though is when someone that doesn’t know asks how Ken is doing! I hate having to tell them he’s passed away….I hate it for me and for them….because I know they’re not expecting the answer they get.
This happens at work and sometimes when I run into people we knew casually, or the lottery ticket lady, the cashier at Safeway. It’s awkward….
I know from now on when I hear about someone passing away, I will simply say “I’m so sorry to hear” unless it’s a spouse or partner, then I can safely add to that, “I really do understand what you are going through”…..
PS…Im still working off my iPad mini…I have no idea where to find spellcheck (thought it was smart enough to just do that!!) and I am constantly hitting the wrong things on my “touch screen”. I have managed to figure out the bold and italic thing, yeah. The delete thing is wicked…it goes backward, so often delete the wrong thing. I will get it eventually I hope!! And I really miss my mouse….can you get them for these?? I won’t take a kid with me if I ask about that at Future Shop next time I go in….I know I embarrassed her lol….she just kind of covered her eyes and shook her head….but then so did the sales guy….maybe I won’t ask about a mouse!