The Best Laid Plans….

Were not to be on Sunday! My trip to the dump didn’t happen unfortunately.

 I really had no dealings with the car insurance other than transferring all the vehicles to my name and getting the one I drive insured with me as the owner.   I didn’t insure the others.  The regular insurance….very simple really.

So much for all the lessons I learned at the dump….I probably should have gone to the insurance place with Ken…at least once!!

Where I live we have what is called “AirCare”, which is like an emission testing thing for vehicles over a certain age….like the damn truck!  Every so many years your vehicle must go through this before you can get your insurance renewed.   It had been a couple of years since the truck had been insured, other than the odd day or two permit, just for trips to the dump, which don’t need the “AirCare” done for.   However, if you are going to insure it for a month or more you must have the “pass” from AirCare.

So next Saturday I will get the one day permit, to go through AirCare, get the insurance (presuming the truck passes it’s tests!!) and then go to the dump.

It was such a nice weekend….weatherwise.  I have just so much more energy when the sun is shining.   So with all my cleaning, also came some fixing….very minor stuff but I felt good about it all.   It seemed like all weekend though, wherever I turned was something to remind me of Ken….I needed some tools from the basement….in the cabinet everything was just as he’d left it the last time he’d used anything.   He was pretty meticulous about putting stuff in the right place.    All those tube things of caulking and silicone lined up…all the screwdrivers lined up by size…. everything in there just where it should have been, handy and ready to use when he needed it.   I just stood and looked at it all……

In his shed, it’s the same thing. I took a good look around, so organized….if I knew what half the stuff was, it would be really easy to just go in and get whatever you needed….it was all where it’s supposed to be, I’m sure.

These moments are really hard….tears start to well up if I stand there too long. He won’t use all this stuff anymore!   I still don’t believe it sometimes.   How much of it do I need to keep…..what could I possibly need out of that cabinet or the shed. 

The deck is all cleaned up and ready for summer.  I think of all those mornings out there with our coffee….more tears.

Little things like getting insurance, or not…..something like that not working out how it’s supposed to…..frustration at doing something that is new for me.  I would never have cried over stuff like that before no matter how annoyed or frustrated I got…..I’d certainly use a few choice words, but never cry.  It’s so easy to do now though.

The tears are always there….just on the verge.  It can take the smallest thing to get them going.   It’s not big sobby (word? Sp?) crying, just tears that roll down my cheeks.   But then I move on and they’re gone, for that moment.

I think keeping busy is really the trick……I really do.

L.

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